Fear or faith, fear or faith, fear or faith?
A new unintentional mantra for me of late?
I keep hearing it over and over in my head, like the soundtrack of Oz’s munchkins replaying: Which one will you choose, Megan? Fear or faith? Fear or faith?
I’m used to choosing fear. That’s the old pattern.
But, over the last few years, I’ve been pushing myself to choose faith more often.
I’m doing that again right now.
I am getting ready to be courageous and take a risk on many new fronts and that SCARES THE BLEEP OUTTA ME. (I was going to say it scares the hell outta me, but that just doesn’t seem right…maybe saying it scares the Heaven outta me, or the Heaven on Earth outta me would be better…but those ones just don’t have the same ring to ’em.)
But, I’m kind of enjoying that it scares the bleep out of me because, well, this is something new, being scared by my own sacred force at pushing myself OUT of my boxes.
Yesterday, a dear friend said to me, “It seems to me that maybe fear is simply a natural part of the process for all of us when we’re pushing ourselves out of the box.”
That was a little ah-ha moment for me. I thought maybe the fear was my intuition screaming, “RED ALERT! RED ALERT! YOU ARE NOT READY FOR THIS, MEGAN!”
Instead, I think that fear is an indicator that I am releasing my old patterns of staying in the fear, and doing the thing I’m being pulled toward anyway.
I think I fear new things because they have the potential to be so great. Just as Marianne Williamson says, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”
It’s actually a pretty refreshing way to live. I’m done waiting for everything to be “perfect” before I follow through on my dreams, intuitions and ambitions. If I waited for everything to be “perfect,” I’d be waiting ’til I’m dead.
I’m choosing faith over fear, although it’s a lot of work! All I can do is prepare as best I can for each thing I face, then step forward in faith as I follow the voice within.
There’s a chance I may “fail” in the eyes of the world, but wait, wait, wait, wait! How could I possibly be standing here right now without ALL my “failures”? How can we learn if we don’t make mistakes?
There’s another funny thing I’m noticing as I attempt to re-train my old habits of fear, and that is that I love to sabotage myself. I’d much rather check Facebook and emails then continue full steam ahead through the hard steps of pulling off my next greatest dream. I’ve hit the point where I am the most challenged, the most pushed past my comfort level, questioning and doubting, “Am I doing the right thing, the right way?!” I’m in the last final push to the finish line, and that monster side of me who is so used to expecting the worst of life is saying, “Just give up, give up, Megan. It’s so much easier. Just go check your email, write a beautiful blog post (HA!) or something…it’s so much easier then taking the risk that you MIGHT FAIL.”
But, today, in my morning reading, I read something that reminded me that as long as I am conscious of my fear, I can simply look at it and say, “Oh yes, ha ha, I see you there trying to sabotage me, aren’t you CUTE?! Ok, I’m going to do this anyway now.” I try to be willing to look at my fear so I can dissect it and distinguish, is this fear here because I’m about to make a mistake, or is it here because it’s simply par for the course as I’m pushing myself to new limits, doing things a different way, taking steps out of FAITH instead of FEAR?
I CAME INTO THIS LIFE EQUIPPED TO MEET EVERY DEMAND THE WORLD MAKES UPON ME. BUT I MUST BE WILLING TO COOPERATE WITH LIFE, SO LIFE CAN COOPERATE WITH ME. I DECLARE EVERY SITUATION IN MY LIFE A SUCCESS. I HAVE NEVER FAILED IN ANY EXPERIENCE, BECAUSE I LEARNED FROM IT. ALWAYS THERE IS ROOM FOR AGREEMENT, I GRANT ITS PRESENCE BY AGREEING WITH THE GOOD. THEN I WITHDRAW IN PEACE.
That line, that every situation in my life is a success? Wow, does that speak to a girl who has lost just about everything the last few years! It would be so easy to consider myself a failure for the effects the recession has had on our family, for the attempts at new dreams that have started then stopped or changed, for the feeling I often have of trying to dig my way out of a deep hole with a teaspoon.
But, I try not to be end-oriented, outcome-focused, or goal-attached. I can see now, that every piece of all these experiences have been successes for what I’ve learned from them.
I choose to apply that moving forward. I choose to make the risk of failure an acceptable risk because…even failure can be successful.
I choose to live in JOY daily. The simplest way to live in joy daily? Give JOY to yourself, and others. Sharing my lessons here with you, brings me joy, and maybe brings you a little joy, too. Sounds like a whole lotta joy goin’ around here, folks, doesn’t it?
Take a cue from what I’m trying to do. Take risks. Follow your dreams, even if the road paved to them is out of view right now. Stepping stones will appear before you on the path as soon as you start in that direction. Find one small thing you can do that takes you towards the greatest vision you have for yourself, and do it. Even if it scares you. Then, watch what happens. And if it scares you every day, doggedly pursuing those dreams, scary baby step by scary baby step…great! That means, you’re probably doing something right!
SO, what have you done that scares the bleep outta ya lately????!!!!! =) I dare you respond with something absolutely wonderfully TERRIFYING!