Back in September, I had a major relapse of seizures. I’d gone 110 days without any seizures over the summer (summer is always kinder to me), and then one day, I started having up to 10 or 20 a day again. I think my body had a tough time adjusting to coming off antidepressants.
Between the horrific withdrawals and seizures, I was honestly feeling extremely depressed. I spent most of two months in bed. I was starting to notice that I didn’t want to get out of bed in the mornings. That was a problem. I’ve worked hard the last few years to set up a morning routine for myself of getting up early, doing yoga, meditating and setting intentions, etc. Suddenly, I didn’t even want to get out of bed for that.
One morning, I woke up and realized I had to do something different, to snap myself out of it. That day, I didn’t get out of bed. I rolled over and grabbed my phone – the common mistake we all make every morning. But, I decided to use my phone for good this time, and pulled up a YouTube search for “Motivational Videos.” Here’s an idea of the ones I found that day. You should watch them – they WILL make you want to get out of bed, get moving, and get after pursuing your dreams and making them happen. I watched one and within minutes, I was up and out of bed. Suddenly, I actually wanted to do something, anything!
I jumped on my recumbent bike and started pedaling while I pulled up a Tony Robbins video. In one sentence, Tony summarized everything I had been sensing within. He said, “Emotion follows motion.” I knew, immediately, I needed to put my entire life in motion, because you know what? When you change your physical state, you change your mental state. You can’t be depressed when you’re working out, hiking in nature, doing things you love, getting your heart pumping!
It was right around that time, I saw a picture of myself and decided I didn’t love the extra weight Zoloft had gifted me. I knew the answer was to take MASSIVE ACTION, like Tony Robbins suggests. So, the next morning, I woke up at 5:30 a.m. and started acting like the fit, healthy, active strong person I wanted to be. I asked myself, “What would a strong, healthy, active person do every day?” and decided I would do what I could, until I could do more. Because of my health issues, I had to start out really slow with 5 minutes on my bike, and 10-20 minutes of yoga, or I’d get severe exercise intolerance and end up in bed. But, I just kept working at, slowly working up to more and more, and I started walking during the day, too, designing my life around being active.
Just days after I started my new morning regimen, we got an amazing opportunity to go to a Chainsmokers concert in Phoenix, AZ with our two oldest kids – Backstage VIP, as guests of The Chainsmokers! I still was still struggling with seizures and I wasn’t sure if my body could handle it. But, I decided to do it anyway, because I wanted to keep doing the complete opposite of everything I’d been doing which was a whole lotta’ nothin’.
I was standing on a VIP riser, face to face with Drew and Alex, absorbing the most delicious, ear-popping bass I’ve ever experienced in my life after going backstage to hobnob with the guys, when the song, Young, came on. I looked around and realized, this is it, this is the life I want. I had the biggest smile plastered on my face. I hadn’t felt so alive in years. It was my first REAL rock/pop concert and I’d gone VIP the whole way. Suddenly, I saw how amazing life COULD be, and it just made me want more. When they hit the hardest bass-pumping part of the song, I turned my camera phone on, turned it around and took a video of myself: THIS is what happiness looks like, I thought, never forget how this feels.
I went looking for even more motivation, and I found it with Brendon Burchard’s book High Performance Habits – that took it all to whole new level. I began incorporating the first three of his seven habits into my life: seek clarity, generate energy, and raise necessity. Using doorway triggers, intention setting, and goal-setting, I started to see immediate results in how happy and alive I felt ALL THE TIME. I wrote out very clear and specific goals and hung them above my desk in “I am” formats that I read and affirm daily.
In the last two months, I have blown the roof off my life, and things continue to open up and unfold before me because I keep taking massive action, staying in motion, studying hard, working hard, and setting intentions in every situation.
In 2 months, here’s what happened!
*My husband got a huge promotion and I got into the #1 doctor in the country for my type of my seizures and should have an appointment with him next month.
*I’m getting ready to go to a major Writer’s Conference and I just submitted to win a scholarship to attend, and to win their annual writing contest. I’m currently perfecting my pitch to land a literary agent to represent me as an author.
When I started reading Brendon’s book, I used one of his exercises to pick three words to define who I wanted to become. I set an alarm to go off five times a day with these three words: proud, on fire, and confident.
Can you believe…that is exactly how I feel? For the first time in far too long, I feel ALIVE and ON FIRE in every area of my life. I feel proud of my accomplishments, and confident in my ability to achieve my dreams. I’ve filled my life up with so many things to get excited about each day, that depression and PTSD just can’t butt in much now. I am more engaged and present with my family; I have mus-cles…whoa.
For so many years, I’ve lived in survival mode – the depression and PTSD feeding me nothing but negative thoughts. I shrunk my life down so small and tight, I forgot how big and beautiful life can be. I knew I had to break out of my own bubble with massive action and motion. Now that I have, I really do feel proud, on fire and confident.
And it all started with a Chainsmokers concert…
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