THE RISE AGAIN BLOG

It’s OK. It’s just a car. You’re alive. You’re alive. You’re alive. Don’t you see how nothing else matters but that, really?! Your parents might be angry. Your premiums might go up. You may need a new car. But, you didn’t hurt anyone. You didn’t hurt yourself. Things can be replaced. People cannot. I wanted to give him my perspectacles, so he could see through my eyes how little things matter and how much life does. After losing so many people, I’ve lost my attachment to stuf

When you were younger, how did you picture yourself now? What was the vision you had of the person you’d be now? If you stop & think about it, are you kind of already that person? Maybe you wanted to be a writer, and now, you write at a small desk in the corner of your bedroom every morning and it’s not perfect, it’s not some glamorous study with floor to ceiling bookshelves & a ladder to climb them, but you WRITE EVERY MORNING…and that means, YOU’RE A WRITER. And if you keep

Back in September, I had a major relapse of seizures. I’d gone 110 days without any seizures over the summer (summer is always kinder to me), and then one day, I started having up to 10 or 20 a day again. I think my body had a tough time adjusting to coming off antidepressants. Between the horrific withdrawals and seizures, I was honestly feeling extremely depressed. I spent most of two months in bed. I was starting to notice that I didn’t want to get out of bed in the mornin

I want to start a new club. Who wants to join? Everyone? Great!!!!! It’s called The Brave and Brokenhearted Club. Think you belong in it? Here are the qualifications for admission: A) You are human. B) You’ve had your heart broken. C) You are still living and breathing and walking around on a planet with your broken heart, knowing it could be smashed into pieces again anytime. You are still daring to be in relationship with other human beings who may get sick, or struggle, or

Girls cry, we get labeled drama queens, over-dramatic, over sensitive. Boys cry, they’re not tough enough. They’re weak. They’re “pussies.” I’ve gotten to be pretty good at hiding my true feelings. I’ve learned the world usually just wants a triumph story with a happy ending. That if you’re grieving or suffering, depressed or just simply FEELING the whole gamut of life…many people will make you feel like a “downer.” I almost always feel the need to put a positive spin on my p

It’s been a hard week here. It started out with calling 911 on Sunday because the baby was choking on something she picked up off the floor. It took a visit to the ER and several panicky hours to figure out she had a small piece of thick plastic lodged in her throat that the Doctor was finally able to remove. On top of that, several of my closest friends have been dealing with life-threatening illnesses for themselves or their kiddos, so basically my heart has been walking ar

My project has been more of a Bring Me Back to Life Project, as I’m working to retrain myself to experience joy again after so much hardship and tragedy, but I find the same basic principles of Rubin’s Happiness Project at the foundation of my daily work. I’ve been put into a situation with PPD/PPA where I’ve been forced to make my own self-care and happiness a priority. When my husband, Kory, went to rehab, he was forced to do the same thing: put his self-care first, and tha

As many of you know, I’ve been working on several books over the last few years. The one that has taken up camp in my heart most recently is the one I ALMOST lost this week then miraculously found! Now it’s even more special to share with you because it’s 52,000 words (so far!) of MIRACLE! My working title for it is The Bold Grey. It’s my story of fierce WARRIOR living through the last 2 years. Yes, I am finally going to share what’s happened since I went “dark” 21 months ago

“No One Fights Alone” is the mantra for Brain Cancer warriors. I think it should be a mantra for life. Written 5-15-15 I have so much joy in my heart today. I am beyond blessed. I am so grateful for my family and friends, the heroes in my life, the lovers and fighters who I see braving their own battles fiercely each day. When times get really tough we have to look even harder for joy. Sometimes the best way to create joy when you’re drowning is to throw someone else a rope.

Do you believe in miracles & magic? Do you believe that without any doing of your own, an opportunity can be put in your path, a promotion can come your way unexpectedly, or a simple, kind gesture from a stranger can completely transform your day? I believe in miracles, because I have seen they happen to me frequently throughout these last 5 years of loss & hardship. Lighting our candle for her best friend this year. She passed away unexpectedly at age 5, when my daughter was

Sometimes I get scared to keep sharing my story, because there are people who see me continually speaking to death and pain, who perceive that to mean that I’m stuck in the grief, not moving on, not living joyfully, dwelling on the past. And it’s perceptions like that, that made me feel like a lecherous Grim Reaper Girl for years. What these people don’t understand is that these 20+ tragic deaths & 4 years of inconceivable loss were my gift. Yes, I said that 20 people dying i

Read Part I of the “Your Gifts” series here: Are You Giving Your Gifts Away? So, there you are, standing across from me, holding that beautiful gift of yours, power-packed with 9,001 pieces of you that make you perfectly unique. 9,001 pieces of you that the world needs to see. 9,001 pieces of you that your soul needs to release into the world before it suffocates from self-implosion. And now you know – YOU KNOW – that if you don’t open the box, and let your gifts out, to shar

Your natural, inherent heart-led instinct is to pop this gift into my lap and relish in every single second of the joy of watching me open it. But, then, just as you are about to hand it to me, mere nanoseconds before your gift greets my fingertips, as you look into my eyes of anticipation, you feel a different feeling overtake you. Fear. Doubt. Vulnerability. Shame. Questions begin to overtake you. “Will she like it? Will she like me? Is it good enough? What if she hates it?

I’m sure you can imagine how hard it was to choose to open up and unfold after 4 years of relentless tragedy. But, this famous quote by Anais Nin became my hope & my goal, for myself and others: “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” So, three months ago, I decided to start BELIEVING BIG, taking risks on my dreams, & waking up to do something that TERRIFIED me once a week! Haha! My first big SCARY dream was

It’s a choice, and one that requires more courage than can possibly be put into words, to unfold your wings again, when they’ve been clipped, wounded, torched and tormented, time after time. It has been my life’s challenge to unfold. A year ago, I was pregnant with my third child – a walking dead, half-alive corpse of myself. 4 years of tragedy, 20 deaths, and the loss of everything ten times over, had singed and scarred my wings so acutely, I simply wanted to crawl into a sh

As I was hosing them down, I started aiming the spray at the dead leaves to help them fall off, and encourage growth and renewal. As nature always speaks to me, I had a little ah-ha moment. The rains and winds of our life are not to be cursed. Like a storm on a dying vine, they simply rid us of the parts of ourselves that are dead, unnecessary, broken, or browning. Then, the parts of us that are alive and green can soak up more of the water to nourish and feed our souls, spee

Do you have a vision for your life, or are you just going through the motions? What happens when the snowball of your life hits unimaginable obstacles – can you keep it on course? We all need a vision. A vision is not just a dream or a wish – it is an inner calling that comes from knowing and fulfilling your true purpose on this Earth. It is an inner expression of joy, creativity, and connection with others. A vision sustains you through the bumps on the road. It’s the reason

It is written… I think I just finished the first chapter of my new book! After abandoning three years worth of a 600-800 page book that turned out to be mostly a healing tool for myself, I’m finally writing the book I know I’m meant to share with the world. I know it may take time to come to full fruition, but whether it takes a month or a year, or 10, it feels like I’m finally following my calling. I was truly inspired this week, yet again, by Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday – a b

Terri St. Cloud/www.BoneSighArts.com I read this on the first page of a chapter titled, “Cultivating a Resilient Spirit: Letting Go of Numbing and Powerlessness” in the book, “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Dr. Brene Brown this morning, and I cried. I cried, and then I cried some more. #lifeafterloss #lifeafterdeath #faith #spirituality #thoughts #pain #life #Beautyinpain #family