Stories to Inspire You


My Most Unusual Gift

Sometimes I get scared to keep sharing my story, because there are people who see me continually speaking to death and pain, who perceive that to mean that I’m stuck in the grief, not moving on, not living joyfully, dwelling on the past. And it’s perceptions like that, that made me feel like a lecherous Grim Reaper Girl for years. What these people don’t understand is that these 20+ tragic deaths & 4 years of inconceivable loss were my gift. Yes, I said that 20 people dying i

Half-Dead Or Alive

It’s a choice, and one that requires more courage than can possibly be put into words, to unfold your wings again, when they’ve been clipped, wounded, torched and tormented, time after time. It has been my life’s challenge to unfold. A year ago, I was pregnant with my third child – a walking dead, half-alive corpse of myself. 4 years of tragedy, 20 deaths, and the loss of everything ten times over, had singed and scarred my wings so acutely, I simply wanted to crawl into a sh

You Are Now Entering the “Spring” of Your Life

As I was hosing them down, I started aiming the spray at the dead leaves to help them fall off, and encourage growth and renewal. As nature always speaks to me, I had a little ah-ha moment. The rains and winds of our life are not to be cursed. Like a storm on a dying vine, they simply rid us of the parts of ourselves that are dead, unnecessary, broken, or browning. Then, the parts of us that are alive and green can soak up more of the water to nourish and feed our souls, spee

A Different Kind of Near-Death Experience

He reminded me to use my voice…so I did, for him. ~ Christopher Lane’s Memorial Service 8/25/12 ~ Photo borrowed from Christopher’s Facebook page I thought I was doing fine, since the Memorial. I doused that place in a good storm puddle of my own tears on Saturday, and I guess I thought that’d do me for awhile. But, today, it came back. Listening to this haunting, powerful, poignant, bomb-hitting-your-house sort of poem of Christopher’s. I’ve never heard anything like it in m

Have You Lost a Loved One?

Who broke your heart when they left this Earth? Was it a parent, a grandparent? A sister, a friend? Was it a a child who began to grow inside of you, a child you held on this earth, a child you loved and lost? Was it more than one person – was it many who left all at once? Does your heart still hurt when you think of them? Do tears catch you unawares, months, weeks, even years later? Have you moved on with your life, yet still, you feel the empty space within that they left,

Express Your Self ~ Living Life Out of Your Inner Joy

Do you plan your next adventure seeking to gain JOY from the experience, or do you adventure as an expression of the JOY you already possess within? I consistently need to remind myself to live my life as an expression of Who I Am, instead of meeting each day like a hungry sponge, needing to be filled, so I can be Who I Am. When I make plans for my weekend, whimsically summoning visions of peace-filled journeys and forays into nature, it’s easy to seek happiness and joy in my

Are You Expanding or Contracting?

This is almost a love letter to myself right now, because I need to hear this advice, so I’m going to give it you, in hopes perhaps my own psyche will absorb it by osmosis along the way! It seems my natural instinct is to contract, although this instinct has only become more inherent in me since all these gobs of loss began in my life three years ago. I’ve been a bit like a turtle recoiling in my shell, believing that  things would be better in my safe zone within. c-louise/s

Don’t Mess With My Kid!

We spent the evening in the ER with our daughter last night – suffice it to say, her ear drum ruptured and she’s been dealing with some serious on-going tummy issues we’re trying to get to the bottom of. I find myself much more able to weather the storms these days, though, and be the eye of the hurricane, instead of the winds. Some cool, calm lady showed up at the ER last night – I don’t know where she came from, but they tell me she’s Kayta’s mother! I think maybe I’ve had

I Confess, I Killed the Metaphorical Tea Kettle!

It’s taken me awhile to have the courage to write this post. I have a horrific confession. Do you remember awhile back I talked about my lovely little tea kettle in my post “Accepting the Unacceptable – Part II”? I had not paid enough attention to my poor tea kettle, and thus a thick residue had built up inside her, which I was unknowingly serving my family in their brown sugar oatmeal and tea. I used the sweet tea kettle as a metaphor for our unattended pain. Her unresolved

Facing Another Loss

#13 is looming on the horizon… Not going into details to respect my family’s privacy in such a hard time, but just thought, seeing as this is my place to share on life and loss, and my journey through it…I’d come here in the rawness of grief and tell you, think of me. It’s been a hard couple days, but yes, the piano practice of grief has made me a beautiful composer. I forced myself to get out in nature day before yesterday, and had the most blissful amazing day of “seeing th

Today I Will Choose Joy – So There!

Every day we have a choice. Choose joy, or sorrow. Even in the depths of despair, we have this choice. I have been at the lowest of my low, in a space where I’d given up on life in so many ways, and still I knew, it was up to me to make this choice. There are times when it can be the hardest choice you have to make – when staying stuck in the pain and the sorrow, the fear and the anger, seems so much easier. I think there are times like this that we use our fear and anger to

Accepting the Unacceptable ~ Finding Peace in the Pain – Part II

Meet my tea kettle. She's broken and beat up, but she's mine & she's beautiful. She is me. Broken and beat-up, but beautiful. Meet my tea kettle. She’s not pretty, but she does the job. My tea kettle has been with me a long time – years in fact. She’s moved four times with me, even across states. She heats water for my organic green tea, for my kid’s Maple & Brown Sugar oatmeal. For some reason, I have never wanted to look inside my tea kettle. I’m almost embarrassed to say,

Accepting the Unacceptable ~ Finding Peace in Pain

Editor’s Note: I’ve made some minor changes to this post, as I prepped Part 2 and new directions unfolded. When you are facing a hard circumstance, it may feel like a black cloud has settled over you, and you have become one with that cloud. Your life becomes a dark rain storm, pouring down deep drops of sorrow and suffering into your life. Perhaps you are going through a divorce, a job loss, facing financial issues, feeling the betrayal of a friend, or watching a loved one f

Avoid Having Ulcers: Check Your Pockets

See the fish? You can avoid having ulcers by adapting to the situation: If you fall in the mud puddle, check your pockets for fish. ~Author Unknown #lifeafterloss #adapting #lifeafterdeath #Grief #faith #peace #thoughts #pain #life #Beautyinpain

“And With This Compost, He Made A Flower Grow”

“If you look deeply at a flower, at its freshness and its beauty, you will see that there is also compost in it, made of garbage. The gardener had the skill to transform this garbage into compost, and with this compost, he made a flower grow.” ~ from “You Are Here” by Thich Nhat Hanh Did Thay (I like to call him that, because that’s what his followers and friends call him, and when he speaks to my soul, I feel him like a friend) say this just for me? Did he see my life and sp

And The World Spins Madly On…

This is a true story that was shared with me recently. I have omitted last names to respect the family’s privacy, and re-written  to the best of my memory in the stunning of hearing such a moving story. Cathy’s husband Gary was one of our twelve. The twelve deaths in three years, I mean. He was like a second Dad to us in many ways. We always felt like part of their family. Gary was a tall man with piercing blue eyes, a salt and pepper beard, a sort of Sean Connery, get’s bett

Set Fire to The Rain

How do you rise from the fire when you’re still in the flames? I am hurting so much right now, it’s nearly unbearable. I’m not just in the flames, I am the flames. I am a raging fire of anger and pain. Every time I say, “How much more can one person take?” Or, “How much worse can it get?” It gets worse. I get handed more shit. Yes, I am fully aware that there are 300 million people in the world who probably have it a lot worse then I do. But, right now, I have had three years

Dear Blogiverse: Hello…and Congratulations

"The World Revs Its Heat Engine" Photo credit: from NASA on Flickr, no known copyrights exist Hello, Nice to meet you. Thank you for greeting me so warmly. I’ve recently begun my own WordPress Blogiverse journey, and find myself to be quite content here in the WordPress hemisphere, because, well, you guys are awfully nice. I love meeting bloggers from all sides of the globe, and I’m thankful for my “homeroom” WordPress peeps! I feel like I’m now a part of something – part of

Grim Reaper Girl Pt 2 – A Moment of Silence

This was taken the day before my Grandma died, my face is stained with tears. But in my arms, my new little niece not even a month old. Angels on either side of life. Grim Reaper Girl – Part 1 I am the Grim Reaper Girl. If I speak my truth, the inescapable truth I walk in, along the lines of life and death, you might turn away because you’re not ready to hear it. Because my story of death sounds like a beautiful tragic story of pain, loss, and degradation. And it is. I promis

Marianne Williamson’s Powerful Words for Us…

I love this image & what it says – it’s a powerful quote by the great Marianne Williamson – who is a well-known author and speaker. Here, it’s shown as a wall decal you can buy on Etsy through Willow Creek Inspirations…and yes, it does inspire me so I wanted to share it. I think we should all read this every day to remember that it’s our purpose to shine… It’s a little hard to read so here it is again… “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that