THE RISE AGAIN BLOG

Can you expect the best, even in the worst? Can you expect the best all the time? Is it possible to retrain yourself from a “glass half empty” mindset to a “glass half full” mindset? Yes, it is. I lived through incredible tragedy, my husband’s addiction and a seizure disorder, but I found a way to expect the best…even in the worst. I’ve used these methods to find hope and help in tough times, and to create the life of my dreams in good times. What has expecting the best given

It’s OK. It’s just a car. You’re alive. You’re alive. You’re alive. Don’t you see how nothing else matters but that, really?! Your parents might be angry. Your premiums might go up. You may need a new car. But, you didn’t hurt anyone. You didn’t hurt yourself. Things can be replaced. People cannot. I wanted to give him my perspectacles, so he could see through my eyes how little things matter and how much life does. After losing so many people, I’ve lost my attachment to stuf

Five years ago, I didn’t have a future. I had an addict for a husband, chaos for a life, food stamps for groceries, and three small children. I had dreams, but they seemed impossible given all those other things I just mentioned. When I asked my husband to leave, I lost everything…again. For the three-thousandth time in four years. I’d become accustomed to the world being ripped from my hands like a mother slapping a child’s hand reaching for a cookie. Every time I tried to h

When you were younger, how did you picture yourself now? What was the vision you had of the person you’d be now? If you stop & think about it, are you kind of already that person? Maybe you wanted to be a writer, and now, you write at a small desk in the corner of your bedroom every morning and it’s not perfect, it’s not some glamorous study with floor to ceiling bookshelves & a ladder to climb them, but you WRITE EVERY MORNING…and that means, YOU’RE A WRITER. And if you keep

This is why I write. This is why I do what I do, why I share openly and honestly about every struggle I go through. Because for too long, I thought I was the only one struggling. I compared my worst to everyone else’s best, which is what we all do in this digital age of social media now. We’ve filtered out the negative, made our own fake news in a way, that saturates our senses with other’s celebrations, never their struggles. I stand, above all, for showing the story in prog

Photo credit: NBC Last night I was watching Chicago Fire, an episode where one of the main characters, Hermann, goes into a burning building with a friend & fellow firefighter from another house. In a split second trying to save a man trapped inside, the two men are separated in the smoke & Hermann makes it out alive, but his friend doesn’t. There’s this scene where Hermann is staring in the mirror in the bathroom, wrecked over this death, just hours after it happened, and hi

I told them, “No.” I’m not the type of girl who needs a heart monitor for 30 days. Am I? I am healthy, fit and strong. I tell myself that every day. I want my ears to hear those words, constantly. I am living from my end game, expecting the best to happen. And, I still have seizures. I feel like I’m going to have one right now. Sometimes, I feel them coming for days, and they never arrive. Sometimes, I don’t feel them coming at all. But, they always start with my heart, build

Back in September, I had a major relapse of seizures. I’d gone 110 days without any seizures over the summer (summer is always kinder to me), and then one day, I started having up to 10 or 20 a day again. I think my body had a tough time adjusting to coming off antidepressants. Between the horrific withdrawals and seizures, I was honestly feeling extremely depressed. I spent most of two months in bed. I was starting to notice that I didn’t want to get out of bed in the mornin

I want to start a new club. Who wants to join? Everyone? Great!!!!! It’s called The Brave and Brokenhearted Club. Think you belong in it? Here are the qualifications for admission: A) You are human. B) You’ve had your heart broken. C) You are still living and breathing and walking around on a planet with your broken heart, knowing it could be smashed into pieces again anytime. You are still daring to be in relationship with other human beings who may get sick, or struggle, or

Girls cry, we get labeled drama queens, over-dramatic, over sensitive. Boys cry, they’re not tough enough. They’re weak. They’re “pussies.” I’ve gotten to be pretty good at hiding my true feelings. I’ve learned the world usually just wants a triumph story with a happy ending. That if you’re grieving or suffering, depressed or just simply FEELING the whole gamut of life…many people will make you feel like a “downer.” I almost always feel the need to put a positive spin on my p

As many of you know, I’ve been working on several books over the last few years. The one that has taken up camp in my heart most recently is the one I ALMOST lost this week then miraculously found! Now it’s even more special to share with you because it’s 52,000 words (so far!) of MIRACLE! My working title for it is The Bold Grey. It’s my story of fierce WARRIOR living through the last 2 years. Yes, I am finally going to share what’s happened since I went “dark” 21 months ago

The REAL face of Motherhood somedays, right? I called my husband day after day in tears, sobbing, “I can’t do this.” Soon enough, going it alone brought me to a new level of drowning. A slow and sinking numbness began to set in, called postpartum depression. It was a dark and ugly beast that took up camp in my body. No matter how hard I tried to fight it, my sleep deprivation and overwhelm only fed the beast. And you know what fed the beast best? It’s favorite meal was my, “I

Do you believe in miracles & magic? Do you believe that without any doing of your own, an opportunity can be put in your path, a promotion can come your way unexpectedly, or a simple, kind gesture from a stranger can completely transform your day? I believe in miracles, because I have seen they happen to me frequently throughout these last 5 years of loss & hardship. Lighting our candle for her best friend this year. She passed away unexpectedly at age 5, when my daughter was

Sometimes I get scared to keep sharing my story, because there are people who see me continually speaking to death and pain, who perceive that to mean that I’m stuck in the grief, not moving on, not living joyfully, dwelling on the past. And it’s perceptions like that, that made me feel like a lecherous Grim Reaper Girl for years. What these people don’t understand is that these 20+ tragic deaths & 4 years of inconceivable loss were my gift. Yes, I said that 20 people dying i

I’m sure you can imagine how hard it was to choose to open up and unfold after 4 years of relentless tragedy. But, this famous quote by Anais Nin became my hope & my goal, for myself and others: “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” So, three months ago, I decided to start BELIEVING BIG, taking risks on my dreams, & waking up to do something that TERRIFIED me once a week! Haha! My first big SCARY dream was

This 6-week collaborative class is a gift to yourself. Are you craving more connection, meaning, or joy in your life? Do you long to create more balance between your roles as a Mother, wife, friend… and a creative, joyful being? Are you always putting others first, and find yourself rarely taking time to do the things that make your soul sing? This is a class for Mamas of all ages and ranges – whether you’re a new Mama, a seasoned Mama, a Stay-At-Home Mama, single Mama, or

It’s a choice, and one that requires more courage than can possibly be put into words, to unfold your wings again, when they’ve been clipped, wounded, torched and tormented, time after time. It has been my life’s challenge to unfold. A year ago, I was pregnant with my third child – a walking dead, half-alive corpse of myself. 4 years of tragedy, 20 deaths, and the loss of everything ten times over, had singed and scarred my wings so acutely, I simply wanted to crawl into a sh

As I was hosing them down, I started aiming the spray at the dead leaves to help them fall off, and encourage growth and renewal. As nature always speaks to me, I had a little ah-ha moment. The rains and winds of our life are not to be cursed. Like a storm on a dying vine, they simply rid us of the parts of ourselves that are dead, unnecessary, broken, or browning. Then, the parts of us that are alive and green can soak up more of the water to nourish and feed our souls, spee