THE RISE AGAIN BLOG

Stories to Inspire You

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An Extraordinary Life Makeover, That Started With a “Chainsmokers” Show

Back in September, I had a major relapse of seizures. I’d gone 110 days without any seizures over the summer (summer is always kinder to me), and then one day, I started having up to 10 or 20 a day again. I think my body had a tough time adjusting to coming off antidepressants. Between the horrific withdrawals and seizures, I was honestly feeling extremely depressed. I spent most of two months in bed. I was starting to notice that I didn’t want to get out of bed in the mornin

I Hereby Grant Myself Permission to Be Shitty

Six weeks ago, I started seeing an amazing new doctor who finally diagnosed this mystery illness that has made me so sick the last two years. He has begun weekly IV treatment along with a host of other alternative therapies that are finally starting to give me my life back after two years of countless ER visits, trips to the doctor and testing. The treatments are really helping. But, when I have to go more than a week between them, I start to feel really sick again, and some

The Brave & Brokenhearted Club: Are You In?

I want to start a new club. Who wants to join? Everyone? Great!!!!! It’s called The Brave and Brokenhearted Club. Think you belong in it? Here are the qualifications for admission: A) You are human. B) You’ve had your heart broken. C) You are still living and breathing and walking around on a planet with your broken heart, knowing it could be smashed into pieces again anytime. You are still daring to be in relationship with other human beings who may get sick, or struggle, or

On the Edge of a New Era (in Which We FEEL)

Girls cry, we get labeled drama queens, over-dramatic, over sensitive. Boys cry, they’re not tough enough. They’re weak. They’re “pussies.” I’ve gotten to be pretty good at hiding my true feelings. I’ve learned the world usually just wants a triumph story with a happy ending. That if you’re grieving or suffering, depressed or just simply FEELING the whole gamut of life…many people will make you feel like a “downer.” I almost always feel the need to put a positive spin on my p

The Smackdowns & Getting-Back-Up-Agains: Ronda Rousey & Me

Some days everything just feels so hard. When the sleep deprivation and the toddler tantrums and the chronic illness and anxiety and all of it pile up on me all at once. Every day I get up a fighter, ready to put on my best face and go another round. And so many more days than not, I end up face down in the ring with a crowd of onlookers. It’s just one “next hard thing” after the next. I try to keep a positive attitude and I do most days if everything aligns and the kids don’

The Bold Grey – My Book, and Yours

As many of you know, I’ve been working on several books over the last few years. The one that has taken up camp in my heart most recently is the one I ALMOST lost this week then miraculously found! Now it’s even more special to share with you because it’s 52,000 words (so far!) of MIRACLE! My working title for it is The Bold Grey. It’s my story of fierce WARRIOR living through the last 2 years. Yes, I am finally going to share what’s happened since I went “dark” 21 months ago

You Are Now Entering the “Spring” of Your Life

As I was hosing them down, I started aiming the spray at the dead leaves to help them fall off, and encourage growth and renewal. As nature always speaks to me, I had a little ah-ha moment. The rains and winds of our life are not to be cursed. Like a storm on a dying vine, they simply rid us of the parts of ourselves that are dead, unnecessary, broken, or browning. Then, the parts of us that are alive and green can soak up more of the water to nourish and feed our souls, spee

Lean In, Baby, Just Lean In

I used to be afraid to tell you more bad stuff was happening in my life because I don’t want pity, and because I thought for sure I was doing something to “deserve” all this bad stuff. On some level, I think I believed I had not become enlightened/empowered/aura-fied/chakra-fied/fully present/fearless/brave/spiritual/positive thinking enough to transcend suffering. I wanted so badly in my journeys these last 4 years to find a way to transcend suffering. I really thought if I

A Different Kind of Near-Death Experience

He reminded me to use my voice…so I did, for him. ~ Christopher Lane’s Memorial Service 8/25/12 ~ Photo borrowed from Christopher’s Facebook page I thought I was doing fine, since the Memorial. I doused that place in a good storm puddle of my own tears on Saturday, and I guess I thought that’d do me for awhile. But, today, it came back. Listening to this haunting, powerful, poignant, bomb-hitting-your-house sort of poem of Christopher’s. I’ve never heard anything like it in m

“What, Where, Who Have You Helped Today?!”

“Christopher’s Legacy” Written 8-26-12 Last night, I attended the Memorial Service for Christopher Ya’ir Lane, one of probably a couple hundred people who attended. The service began around five and didn’t end until after 8. There were so many souls, who were given a voice by Christopher, or reminded to use their voice in his care, and so they did use their voices last night in his honor. I could almost feel Christopher standing over each one as they spoke, validating their v

Have You Lost a Loved One?

Who broke your heart when they left this Earth? Was it a parent, a grandparent? A sister, a friend? Was it a a child who began to grow inside of you, a child you held on this earth, a child you loved and lost? Was it more than one person – was it many who left all at once? Does your heart still hurt when you think of them? Do tears catch you unawares, months, weeks, even years later? Have you moved on with your life, yet still, you feel the empty space within that they left,

Cancer SUCKS, But…

obyvatel/ stock.xhcng Cancer sucks. In fact, if I were honest, and willing to be profane, I would give Cancer a solid tongue lashing right now. I would fling multiple curse words at it because it has burned its hot branding into the lives of my loved ones far too much in the last three years. In 2008, Cancer began an endless stretch of its slimy paws so close, so encroaching, and so frequently into my life, it felt like it’s sole purpose was to greedily rape my soul and break

Are You Expanding or Contracting?

This is almost a love letter to myself right now, because I need to hear this advice, so I’m going to give it you, in hopes perhaps my own psyche will absorb it by osmosis along the way! It seems my natural instinct is to contract, although this instinct has only become more inherent in me since all these gobs of loss began in my life three years ago. I’ve been a bit like a turtle recoiling in my shell, believing that  things would be better in my safe zone within. c-louise/s

Dear Sweet Nephew: I’m Smiling at the Memory of You Today

Dear Sweet Nephew, Hi, how are you? What’s it like living in the light you were on Earth? I thought today I would write to you, because today it’s been 10 years since you left this Earth. I know you are still nearby, and all around, but, losing the chance to hold you in my arms and run my fingers through your beautiful blond hair again, that was the hardest thing I have ever had to let go of. Marking 10 years today makes me look back on the last decade of my life without you.

Set Fire to The Rain

How do you rise from the fire when you’re still in the flames? I am hurting so much right now, it’s nearly unbearable. I’m not just in the flames, I am the flames. I am a raging fire of anger and pain. Every time I say, “How much more can one person take?” Or, “How much worse can it get?” It gets worse. I get handed more shit. Yes, I am fully aware that there are 300 million people in the world who probably have it a lot worse then I do. But, right now, I have had three years